Christmas Reminiscences

by The X-Misses

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    A four-panel ecowallet containing the compact disc version of Christmas Reminiscences. Sealed for freshness with shrinkwrap.

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1.
I've got a brand new Christmas outfit: a coat, a hat, and the rest, But there's one thing more from the candy store that I really love the best. I got a Chocolate Santa for a Christmas treat. A great big Chocolate Santa (sweet enough to eat.) So I ate his hat on Sunday, his beard I finished Monday, and Tuesday I nibbled on his feet. I ate his sack on Wednesday, Thursday I kept on. By Friday, he was going; Saturday, he was gone. Oh, I loved my Chocolate Santa from the moment that he came. And if I had another one, I'd love him just the same!
2.
Mr Scrooge 02:33
Don’t be like Mr Scrooge. Don’t be like Mr Scrooge to me. You're so stingy with your kisses. Why do I waste my time? You hoard them like a miser hoards his riches. You are a waste of time! Don’t be like Mr Scrooge. Don’t be like Mr Scrooge to me. You're so tight with all your loving; more than you give away. What do you think that you are doing? Saving for a rainy day? Don’t be like Mr Scrooge - Don’t be like Mr Scrooge - To me Mr Scrooge was a guy they all hated; full of misery. 'Till one day he saw a vision and it changed him eternally. Take a tip from Ebenezer. Let him be your guide. Give me all your love and kisses. We'll be side by side. Please be like Mr Scrooge. Please be like Mr Scrooge to me!
3.
Where is my baby? It's late on Christmas eve and I've been up all night, But he's nowhere in sight He said he'd get me And take me caroling, but it's too late for that. Perhaps he got a flat? When the weather is cold out Need somebody with a body that knows just how to keep me warm at night And wrap me up real tight. I'll be crying in the worse way If I'm home all alone on Christmas day without him by my side. My heart will stop and I will die. When the weather is cold out Need somebody with a body that knows just how to keep me warm at night And wrap me up real tight. I'll be crying in the worse way If I'm home all alone on Christmas day without him by my side. My heart will stop and I will die. I hear my cellphone, But it's the wrong ringtone and something isn't right. My skin is turning white. He hit some ice rain And stopped to put on chains, but someone didn't see. The rest is history... Then the wind started blowing And I huddled in the corner not knowing how I'd make it through the night I hold his picture tight. I'm crying in the worst way cause I'm home all alone on Christmas day Without him by my side My heart just stopped and now I'll die.
4.
5.
This year for Christmas we threw out the list And gave one another our typical gifts. I gave her a headache, she made me a fist I gave her the finger and she gave me shit. Last year on Christmas was much like today. I burned down her holly, she blew up my sleigh, But this year is different; I'm not gonna stay. I'm taking her presents and driving away. And so the ghost of Christmas past and present are the same. We deck the halls with broken glass and trim the tree with flames. CHORUS: She got me nothing but pissed off I gave her nothing but tears. She gave me hell for Christmas. After I gave her the best of my years. This year on Christmas I'm having a ball. I sit in a hotel and stare at the wall. I'm not gonna make up and I'm not gonna crawl. I'll just sit here drinking till I can't recall. No peace on earth, no mercy mild. The time for cheer has passed. The only thing I'll reconcile is whiskey and a glass. She got me nothing but pissed off. I gave her nothing but tears. She gave me hell for Christmas. Same thing she got me last year. She got me nothing but pissed off. I gave her nothing but tears. She gave me hell for Christmas. After I gave her the best of my years. And I'll never get back the best of my years.
6.
Christmas in jail Christmas in jail Had a little too much to drink. I can't make my bail I pee in a pail And I'm spending New Year's Eve in the clink. I was in the wrong lane Feeling no pain Zoomed my car to seventy-five Then I ran into You can guess who And they said I'm lucky to be alive. "Merry Christmas. Happy New Year." They're singing in the street. While everybody's having Christmas turkey They give me bread and water to eat. Christmas in jail Christmas in jail I wore my shoes out pacing the floor. I've got rocks in my head I wish I was dead Ain't gonna drink and drive no more!
7.
All the presents are open and abandoned on the floor. I feel stupid for hoping it'd amount to something more Cause I'm left with an emptiness like the boxes all around me. So I grab another garbage bag and I drink another mug of whiskey coffee. When I run out of whiskey then I stumble out the door. Wander down to the city looking out for something more. Then I turn down an alleyway with a password and a party dress Through the door with a neon sign flashing “XXX dash M-A-S.” At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco It only happens once a year In a classified location And all your troubles disappear When you get the invitation. We're drinking eggnog and smoking cloves And I'll be lucky if I keep my clothes. At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco It only happens once a year Cause any more than that is lethal. And maybe Santa will appear Winking at you through a peephole. We're drinking nutmeg and smoking cloves And I'll be lucky if I lose my clothes. At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco At The Christmas Disco When I wake in an alleyway there are boxes all around me. So I greet another summer day and I drink another mug of whiskey coffee.
8.
I was living in sin, now I'm living in hell. Yeah, you gotta give it up to the Christians. They were right all along and I was wrong when I said that their religion was a fiction. But the number one thing that I hate about hell is in hell we don't celebrate Christmas. Still I float in the flames And recite the names Of the reindeer who carried Saint Nicklaus. There's no Christmas in hell There's no Christmas in hell There's no Christmas in hell And that's why I'm so sad I said that hell and Santa don't exist So now I'm always on the naughty list. There's no Christmas There's no Christmas There's no Christmas in hell Then the devil plays a trick on December 26 When he tells me I just missed Christmas And it hurts even worse than a blister burst As a tear hits the fire and hisses. I used to sing the carols with the choir But now I'm roasting on an open fire. There's no Christmas in hell There's no Christmas in hell There's no Christmas in hell And that's why I scream, “God have mercy!” That's why I'm so Sad.
9.
10.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree How lovely are your branches.

about

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"One of the most exciting XMAS albums of the year...truly a Top 5 best of XMAS 2018...throw a Jingle Bell Rock at this album and you will hit a potential new holiday classic." - Connor Ratliff (Rolling Stone)
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credits

released November 28, 2018

Produced by Marc Lacuesta and Tim Franklin
Engineered by Marc Lacuesta and Tim Franklin
Recorded at Fatherland Studios, Nashville TN
Mixed by Marc Lacuesta and Tim Franklin at Fatherland Studios, mastered by Harold LaRue
Album art and design by Sean Michael Robinson and Tim Franklin, photo by Beth Abernathy
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Lead Vocals - Tim Franklin, Kate Hamilton
Drums - Justin Amaral (1-7), Jereme Frey (8)
Bass - Nicole Lea Yraguen (1-7), Mike Shepherd (8)
Guitars - Tim Franklin, Shawn Byrne (addtl guitar on 5)
Piano / Organ - Jen Gunderman (1-6), Tim Franklin (7,10)
Lapsteel / Fiddle - Fats Kaplin
Banjolele - Jenny Posnak
Backing vocals - Jenny Posnak, Kate Hamilton, Marc Lacuesta, Dana Lacuesta, Tim Franklin, Charlene Maeder (10)
Theremin - Jon Hindmarsh
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Jingle Bells recorded by Paul Reimers, castanets by Satoration, jail cell SFX by kd-jack, theremin recorded by Jon Hindmarsh
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Tracks 3, 5, 7, 8 written by Tim Franklin copyright 2011/ 2018 Screaming Bloody Music ASCAP
My Chocolate Santa (adapted from My Choc’late Rabbit) written by M. Pascal / Gerald Marks with new lyrics by Tim Franklin
Mr Scrooge by Tony Hiller / Shel Talmy
I’ll Be Home for Christmas by Walter Kent / Kim Gannon / Buck Ram
A Holly Jolly Christmas by Johnny Marks
Christmas in Jail by Jack Hoffman / Bebe Blake
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Big thanks to Sean Michael Robinson for mix notes, non-audio assistance, and constant encouragement. Thanks to Beth Abernathy for the photos / video and being my bestie.

To Marc, my other bestie and constant collaborator: I can say with complete certainty that this album would not have happened without you. Thank you for pushing through my neuroses and multitudinous mix notes.

To Kate and Jenny, this album would suck without you. You make art for the joy of doing it and you are the kindest people I know.

Justin, Nicole, Fats, and Jen - thank you for going above and beyond when we had to rerecord everything. You are the best.

From 2007-2010, I performed six of these songs with The Donner Vixens. Thanks to Tyson, Kate, Fred, Jeannene, Stephanie, Jeff, Tony, and Kenna for contributing to the evolution of those songs and for the best Christmases ever.

Additional thanks to Jasper Robinson, Wayne Moss, Dana, Brian, Julie, Jesse, Meredith, Kailynn, Eve, Sarah, Alyssa, Kevin, Kaitlin, Kevin, Steve and Jenny, Jon and Matthew, Joyce Bashford, John Hoffman, Dr. Cassidy, and the Franklin / Kennedy families.

Dedicated to Booter Davenport who would have loved this album. Merry Christmas.

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The X-Misses Nashville, Tennessee

A Christmas supergroup featuring members of Pillow Army and Rubyfruit.

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